Just a brief update in regards to The Post Modernist Newspaper (for all of those who care):
The paper has got the majority of its twenty+ submissions and is almost ready for printing.
We are still waiting on:
- Avril
- Jolene
- Vivian and Julia
- Inci - part 2
- Jeremy
- Clair
So if you have finished your submission and you see them around punch them or somthing (except Jeremy and Avril, who have decent excuses).
What's your musical horoscope? (Put your player on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that come up.)
Inspired by Stephanie.
Muskrat Ramble - James Morrisson
Beethoven Symphony No. 5 in c minor 4th Movement: Allegro -Vienna Symphony Orchestra, Otto Klemperer Conductor
Lo-Fi - Frank Wess, Trombone Album
Meeting Mozart - Suzanne Ciani, Pianissimo II
Public Melody No. 1 - Louis Armstrong, The great Louis Armstrong, Disc 2
Die diebische Elster - London Symphony Orchestra, Alfred Scholz Conductor, World of Classics
Three Borge Favourites - Victor Borge
Quartet 1 - Brodsky Quartet, Lament
Flight of the Bumble Bee - Giles Apap
The Alberta Anthema - Part 1 - Three Dead Trolls in a Bagges, A Steaming Pile of Skit
Sorry about my previous post and its ridiculous length, but once I get quoting I can't stop.
Anyway, onto something perhaps slightly useful and mildly interesting, as you can all probably tell from the vile immaturity of my posts, I am still in high school (I don't know or care what any other country calls it) and for the past couple of years I have been generally dissatisfied with the levels of apathy in my school. The students just don't care about anything other than "the social scene", "fashion" and "popularism".
The majority easily conforms to the standard high school stereotypes (I am happy to say that I am a kind of warped geek/nerd if you wish to classify me) and really couldn't care less about anything outside their social subsets. I have tried numerous ways of remedying this, including helping a friend (who shares my views, one of the three who do) elected to student government which is (and we have decided always will be) a farce.
However to cut a long story short, I have begun the creation process of a school newspaper and I am astonished at the amount of interest I have received. I now have over twenty writers, not including layout guys and techies. I am also receiving support from a largely cynical teacher population. This is fairly overwhelming considering their skepticism on nearly everything else - including but not limited to big bang theory.
The name of the paper – a parody of modern educational theory and the name of my school (Perth Modern) is The Post Modernist and our slogan, typically pretentious though it may be is Iustus, Libertas, Veritas – or Justice, Freedom, Truth.
You can expect to see of brief mockup of the first edition appearing somewhere around the 20th of March and hopefully we can get the school to publish it.
The site will be at www.postmodernist.daedulus.net (daedulus.net kindly offering free hosting). At the moment there is a bare bones site undergoing construction.What's one of your favorite quotes?
Submitted by Georgie-boy.
ONE?! How can I stop at one?
Here: Have my favourite quotes database:
"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."
-- Steven Weinberg
"We must repsect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children are smart."
-- Henry Mencken
Faith is a cop-out. It is intellectual bankruptcy. If the only way you can accept an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that it can't be taken on its own merits.
-Dan Barker, author and former evangelist
All religions have been made by men.
-Napoleon Bonaparte, French emperor
Vain are the thousand creeds that move men's hearts, unutterably vain, worthless as wither'd weeds.
-Emily Bronte
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin, comedian
I don't believe in God. My god is patriotism. Teach a man to be a good citizen and you have solved the problem of life.
Andrew Carnegie, Scottish-born American industrialist and philanthropist
I give money for church organs in the hope the organ music will distract the congregation's attention from the rest of the service.
Andrew Carnegie, Scottish-born American industrialist and philanthropist
They came with a Bible and their religion- stole our land, crushed our spirit... and now tell us we should be thankful to the 'Lord' for being saved.
Chief Pontiac, American Indian Chieftain
You say there is but one way to worship the Great Spirit. If there is but one religion, why do you white people differ so much about it?
Chief Red Jacket, Seneca Indian Chieftain
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him.
Arthur C. Clarke, author
Faith is believing something you know ain't true.
-Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", American author and humorist
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be -- a Christian.
-Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", American author and humorist
It (the Bible) is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.
-Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", American author and humorist
A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.
-Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", American author and humorist
Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast.
-Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", American author and humorist
I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind and keep them shut by force.
-Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", American author and humorist
If there is a God, he is a malign thug.
-Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", American author and humorist
To be an atheist requires strength of mind and goodness of heart found in not one of a thousand.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge, English poet, critic, journalist, philosopher
Religion is all bunk.
-Thomas Edison, American inventor
All thinking men are atheists.
-Ernest Hemingway, American author
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich." Napoleon Bonaparte
"Religion to me has always been the wound, not the bandage." Dennis Potter
"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death." Albert Einstein
"Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet." Napoleon Bonaparte
This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it.
-John Adams, U.S. President
I was born a heretic. I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.
-Susan B. Anthony, U.S. reformer and suffragist
Every sensible man, every honorable man, must hold the Christian sect in horror.
-Francois Marie Arouet "Voltaire", French author and playwright
Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd and bloody religion that has ever infected the world.
-Francois Marie Arouet "Voltaire", French author and playwright
I am an atheist, out and out. It took me a long time to say it. I've been an atheist for years and years, but somehow I felt it was intellectually unrespectable to say that one is an atheist, because it assumed knowledge that one didn't have. Somehow it was better to say one was a humanist or agnostic. I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, but I so strongly suspect that he doesn't that I don't want to waste my time.
-Isaac Asimov, Russian-born American author
Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.
-Isaac Asimov, Russian-born American author
"Puritanism - the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."
Henry Mencken
"Where knowledge ends, religion begins." Benjamin Disraeli
"The most ridiculous concept ever perpetrated by Homo Sapiens is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of the Universes, wants the sacharrine adoration of his creations, that he can be persuaded by their prayers, and becomes petulant if he does not recieve this flattery. Yet this ridiculous notion, without one real shred of evidence to bolster it, has gone on to found one of the oldest, largest and least productive industries in history." Robert Heinlein
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
"What a queer thing is Christian salvation! Believing in firemen will not save a burning house; believing in doctors will not make one well, but believing in a savior saves men. Fudge!"
-- Lemuel Washburn
A man is not old until regrets start taking place of dreams.
- Anonymous
The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
- Albert Einstein
Christianity is a way to cover up ignorance, intollerance and stubborness.
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.
- Buddha
Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.
Bill Gates
The real problem is in the hearts and minds of men. It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man.
- Albert Einstein
When you choose the lesser of two evils, always remember that it is still an evil.
- Max Lerner
No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expedience.
- Theodore Roosevelt
And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln
People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.
- Dale Carnegie
“Satan the envious said with a sigh: Christians know more about their hell than I”
Alfred Kreymborg
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey
I hate people. People make me pro-nuclear
Margaret Smith
"In Heaven all the interesting people are missing."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature.
Thomas Jefferson
…I ask you, Oh-Great-And-Powerful-Jonas, Did you foresee this coming? If you did, why didn’t you try to avoid this? Did you know you couldn’t defeat me? Did you just want to end it all? If that’s what you want, it’s not happening. You will be tortured for days, as if you were in a washing machine from Hell in my torturing chambers, and then hung out to dry, flesh hanging off your body, on a jaggedrock that pierces through your skin…”
“You have run from me, you have hid from me, now…you will DIE by my hand! After all the years…all the attacks and deaths, you knew it would come down to this. You knew I would be the end of you. After all, you are a Seer, are you not? Did you foresee your death? Do you know exactly how I plan to go about killing you? Will I make it quick and easy? Slow and fill you with such pain even the Gods would be frightened of me? Tell me, Jonas , will you beg for mercy…?”
“…Their hate for each other mounting to an unmistakable high, surcease of all limits and no boundaries…
“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
Mark Twain
“We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talent”
Mark Twain
“I often laugh at Satan, and there is nothing that makes him so angry as when I attack him to his face, and tell him that through God I am more than a match for him”
Martin Luther
“Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It's a very interesting defense mechanism and the only way to get by it -- and believe me, I was raised Southern Baptist -- is to take massive amounts of mushrooms, sit in a field, and just go, "Show me."”
Bill Hicks
“SATAN, n. One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth and axes. Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven. Halfway in his descent he paused, bent his head in thought a moment and at last went back. "There is one favor that I should like to ask," said he.
"Name it."
"Man, I understand, is about to be created. He will need laws."
"What, wretch! you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn of eternity with hatred of his soul --you ask for the right to make his laws?"
"Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them himself." It was so ordered.”
Ambrose Bierce
“A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant.”
Bill Hicks
“If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.”
Bill Hicks
“We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.”
Bill Hicks
“I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.”
Bill Hicks
“I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.”
Bill Hicks
“You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready? "Uh huh." Dinosaurs. You know the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point. "And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus...with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend.”
Bill Hicks
“I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.”
Bill Hicks
“People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.”
Bill Hicks
“Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.”
Bill Hicks
“It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.”
Bill Hicks
“Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.”
Tim Allen
“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”
Elayne Boosler
“The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.”
Elayne Boosler
“Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?”
Elayne Boosler
“Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts; that's their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm. . . . Sounds like . . . every commercial on television, doesn't it?”
Bill Hicks
“I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Yeah? When?"”
Bill Hicks
“Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography”
Paul Rodriguez
“Roses are reddish/ Violets are bluish/ If it weren't for Christmas/ We'd all be Jewish.”
Benny Hill
“Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.”
Benny Hill
“I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.”
Benny Hill
“The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.”
Benny Hill
“Do unto others, then run.”
Benny Hill
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
Yogi Berra.
"Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees."
JJ Furnas.
"All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing."
Maurice Maeterlinck.
"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic."
Joseph Stalin.
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
Groucho Marx
"Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it."
W. Somerset Maugham.
One day while Groucho Marx was working in his
garden (dressed in well-worn gardening attire), a
wealthy woman pulled up in a Cadillac and
endeavored to persuade the gardener to come and
work for her. How much does the lady of the house
pay you? she asked. Oh, I don't get paid in
dollars, Groucho replied, glancing up. The lady of
the house just a lets me sleep with her.
- Groucho Marx
OK, so what's the speed of dark ?
- Steven Wright
All my humor is based upon destruction and
despair. If the whole world was tranquil, without
disease and violence, I'd be standing on the
breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
- Lenny Bruce
Everybody says that comedy is harder to do.
That's become a truism by now, but it's wrong.
Comedy is not harder. The hardest thing is to do
good work, whatever it is.
- Woody Allen
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with
Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people
died
- Steven Wright
“I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...”
Mitch Hedberg
“I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'”
Mitch Hedberg
“Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.”
Mitch Hedberg
“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”
Mitch Hedberg
“If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable...”
Mitch Hedberg
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".'”
Mitch Hedberg
“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”
Mitch Hedberg quote
“I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for ME.”
Mitch Hedberg
“All of us have schnozzles . . . if not in our faces, then in our character, minds or habits. When we admit our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh, and the world laughs with us.”
Jimmy Durante
“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”
Jimmy Durante
So, my patchetic sweatdropping monkey, you finally condescend to join me in my plans against the eval. USE GOOGLE TALK. MSN BAD.
"ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Suicide Hotline...please hold."
Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes.
Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-- Robin Williams
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster!
I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words
Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!
Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray...
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it's dimwit resistant.
"All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men."
Isaac Asimov.
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
"The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity."
Patrick Murray.
"The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit."
Eric Porterfield.
"I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them."
Isaac Asimov.
"Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining."
Jeff Raskin.
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents."
Nathaniel Borenstein.
"If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside."
Robert X. Cringely.
"640k ought to be enough for anybody"
-Bill Gates, chairman of Microsoft, 1981
"Reach out and grep someone."
-Bell Labs Unix
If we do not change direction we may end up where we are headed.
- Lao Tze
"But what... is it good for?"
-Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
-Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"The world is coming to an end. Please log off."
-Posix 2.1.1 System Shutdown Message
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
- Laws of Computer Programming, I
***
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
- Laws of Computer Programming, II
***
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
- Laws of Computer Programming, III
***
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
- Laws of Computer Programming, IV
***
Any program will expand to fill available memory.
- Laws of Computer Programming, V
***
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
- Laws of Computer Programming, VI
***
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
- Laws of Computer Programming, VII
***
Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
- Laws of Computer Programming, VIII
***
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
- Laws of Computer Programming, IX
***
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
- Laws of Computer Programming, X
***
There's always one more bug.
- Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology
***
If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
- Lyall's Conjecture
***
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
- Weinberg's Second Law
***
Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?
- Steven Wright
1. "Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989
2. Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."
3. Sexy Unix Commands: date; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime;
4. My programs never have bugs, they just develop random features.
5. Sex is like hacking. You get in, you get out, and you hope you didn't leave something behind that can be traced back to you.
6. Want to Make $$$$ with your Computer? No Risk! Simply press shift-4 four times in a row
7. That Jesus Christ guy is getting some terrible lag... it took him 3 days to respawn!
8. windows: 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1-bit of competition
9. Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.
10. MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
12. Real programmers don't comment! It was hard to write, It should be hard to read!
13. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure!
14. MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
15. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
16. "I worry about my child and the Internet all the time, even though she's too young to have logged on yet. Here's what I worry about. I worry that 10 or 15 years from now, she will come to me and say 'Daddy, where were you when they took freedom of the press away from the Internet?'" --Mike Godwin, Electronic Frontier Foundation
17. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
18. ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
19. I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
20. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
-- Remember, only two industries refer to their customers as users.
-- There are only 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary, and those who don't.
UNIX Sex
{
look; find; talk; grep; touch; finger; find; flex; unzip; mount; workbone; fsck; yes; gasp; fsck; yes; eject; umount; makeclean; zip; split; done; exit
}
For every complex problem, there exists a simple solution, which is wrong.
Corollary: It isn't rocket science. Well, unless of course you're NASA.
Let us put our minds together and see what life we will make for our children.
- Tatanka Lotanka (Sitting Bull)
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Content creators need to adapt and accept that they will not be able to make money by controlling distribution when your end user is an individual and your product can be converted to a string of ones and zeros. - Madthorn
The big content industries, however, should focus less on restricting their customers' rights to their own purchased media, and instead devote their efforts to producing better products. - Anonymous
What will be your famous last words?
Submitted by ngocaroo.
I hadn't actually planned on having any.... (heh! That's not to bad)
Perhaps a pTerryism? - "I commend my soul to any god who can find it."
Stolen from a great book - Going Postal by Terry Pratchett. Said quite near the beggining by the main character, Moist von Lipwig.
~Shades
